Zero Hours are driving me crazy...

For unknown reason, I just can't load pix here in blogspot. Mm.. nvm. Nonetheless...Generals: Zero Hours is killing me...
Man...I'm so addicted to it now... The BBF have taken this as a weekly activities...which could drag till late nights/wee hours in the morning. Argh... imagine chipping money to my addiction... i wonder is it the same 'addiction' feeling like those who are addicted to ... alcohol, ONS, ..?
I wonder....
-Alex is wondering what should he do tonight to curb his addiction... Reading a book?-

Going back to where I belong

After a big round, guess I need to stick back to where I belong. I need to be where my roots are. Nothing can be done without consulting the one who provides with grace.
Commitment and Discipline are the main thing in growing spiritually.

Not so young after all

Haha...Beenhaving late nights outings with BBFers lately. It's fun actually. But guess, when u started work and when u are 26, ur system just going to tell u that you are in deep trouble on Monday. True enough, Mondays are the hardest. I can't concentrate at all, thanks to CnC and mamak till 530am! To add to that, we watch Hancock which ended at 1230am before heading to A&W for supper...Had some politics talk before we talk cock again. haha...reached home at 230am....super jam thanks to the RMP...
Guess, true rest is good rest and sufficient rest. I think this syndrome is going to be there for a few days...
No more CnC, No more mamak, No more BBF meeting ...... for now.
What to do then? What do you do as a single? Well, basically or technically, I'm not too keen in going after girls yet...so flirting or courting will be striped out from the list...
What else? Futsal....maybe.
Just love the game...for the first time, I played with such enjoyment...was steady but also clumsy sometimes (too tired), scored a couple...but one of the most wonderful goals i had ever scored...kewl!
I still feel missing. I have frens around me. I think i need a company at home.
- I'm missing you -

Are you alone?

Sometimes depending too much on others feeling will make life too miserable. You don't live for others but for yourself.
A lot of thought wondering,...whether to continue staying, whether to continue the journey,...but there were no thoughts for my ownself...what I want in life.
I knew that the big recession is coming...and yet I am not doing anything about it. I knew what needs to be done but why I am not committed and hardworking in looking towards my future..
what do you want, Mr Sim?
- Not purpose driven -

Depression

I think I am depress.
I need to move out from where I stay.
I need fresh air.
I need to face it.

A painful ending

Endings aren't always happy. Especially when it is a short ones. I'm deem to wear the loser hat in relationship again. It has been closing to the 4th month since I broke up. Nothing changes in me but everything changes around me. Or is it vice versa. Not many knew about this. If I talked more, I'll sound like complaining. I actually want to move on with life. Life is so beautiful. I want to get out from my mess now.
If I felt insecure with life, haha..., no doubt my other half will also feel even insecured. The truth of life...No money no talk. No future no talk. No plans no talk. It doesn't really matter how much love and cares you put in...you will only get "Thank You, you are so Lovely, Alex".
ha. I have not been so disgrunted with life but I am today. Sorry.....God...
It wasn't as bad as the first breakout but is equally miserable. I have been hunching...but got even worst as Im shouldering mountains of stress that I could have ignore in the first place. You know, sometimes I really thought of leaving all this behind...run away....meet new people but guess what...the cycle repeats. It's something wrong with you, my man....my Alex man.... "Male by birth, Man by Choice" I'm sure a lot of you out there knew this phrase.
I hate myself for being who I am. If can, I want to blame the whole world. "Stress is only coming from yourself". I have a lot of quotes-unquotes...which are actually from a lot of my friends who gave advice to me. Thanks... The problem is to sink those good advice into my damn brain and practise it. Damn Alex, you think too much...
Current situation: Broke...Broken...Lost -> Much more like the revival of BBF.
Future situation: I need help....I think i got depression...
How do you see yourself in 5 years time: Dead but Alive!

Is this what I am looking for?

Is there a place in the society for the likes of me? Ego and prideful, but low in confidence and esteem. The whole belief system is not right to begin with. I walk a misery road trying to find answers. Be positve always but I'll end up where I began. Is there a place for me in this society? It wasn't easy to take in sharp and painful scoldings but he got his point. Rome wasn't built in one day...so I guess I'll only be lying if I say I have changed within a day? Sometimes I felt like I was a punching bag because of the stains the couldn't be erased. This is what we call the Life University. Welcome!
Life stills goes on with or without me but I was made for a purpose. Can I know that?

- I am an athlete who doesn't know what shoe to run for which track of life -